What's Wrong with Being Single?

This question really bothers a lot me sometimes, but when I really ask myself, do I really want to settle down? Deep down in my heart and of course my logical reasoning tells me is a big NO. I always freak out when thinking about being tied to some guy permanently. Here what goes in my head when thinking seriously about marriage. Where's my freedom, where's my authority on myself, is there any guarantee my husband will be hundred percent loyal to me only? Husband's fidelity is what I appreciate the most given that sometimes men's nature is to be wandering looking for another person to be loved and cherished, yes accept that please. That's why God permits them to have four wives. It is to ACCOMMODATE their WANDERING NATURE. It's not merely just a RIGHT. It is God's MERCY to men so that they won't face massive physiological, emotional and mental breakdowns when they couldn't have another women in their life. Owh not only to them, but to people around them as well, you know it's really miserable to have a man who is in a vulnerable condition. So yeah, men are fragile too.

And so on and on,  a lot of questions really bother me a lot when I'm trying to convince myself to 'getting married'. Nope it did not work for me. So then I'm thinking using a different approach to myself which is a new direction that hardly considered a normal and often a taboo. Why not I stay single. Hmmmmmm.... Ok, please drop the religious kind of opinions such as it is against the Sunnah. Hey, I am not against the Sunnah and marriage, it's just that I  do not want to waste my time searching and waiting for a guy just for the sake of settling down. I will get married if I found the right guy and I love him. So, what to do? Just sit around and wait for the prince charming to come? Trust me, maybe it works for other women, but not me. But seriously, it's kind of pathetic. So ladies, please do not waste time, just focus on yourself, your life. Make yourself happy. Take charge of yourself. You worth a happy life. Let the man find you while you enjoy your life and pursue your dreams.

Being single does have challenges but hey it's also fun and full of enjoyment and calmer than being married. You can go to vacation anytime you want. You can spend your free time with your favourite hobbies. Me? I like to sit around, surfing, facebooking without guilt, reading good books, watching movies, dine out, a lot of things without worries. You do not have to worry about constant chores. You can go home late without guilt because nobody would be disappointed for not having you being home early after work (workaholic women love these). You can sleep late  and wake up late on weekends (except if you live with strict parents who expect you to act mature and fully disciplined) . Undisturbed nights. The key is you must have the courage to accept single life, and embrace your life fully. That's a total freedom from worthless worries of not being married.

Second good point of being single is you are free from being controlled by a man. I'm not against guys. But to live with a man, it needs patience and knowledge to manage the differences. Men and women are totally from different planet. I am against men whom try to control their spouse. Good looks, high education, nice behaviour and looking religious do not guarantee that they cannot be ridiculous and manipulative (in a courteous way). The key is COMMON SENSE. Men who lack common sense is the one whom you should avoid though they are religious. I've seen religious men took religion for their advantage and these men have no COMMON SENSE, IGNORANT and INHUMANE. A good spouse is the one who sees you are equal to him. They have rights on you, but trust me you really do not like the feeling of them claiming their right on you and constantly reminding you of it. Who are they? Just merely a fallible human being. If you meet this kind of person, I remind you to ignore and reject him. Your life is going to be HELL if you marry this kind of person. Marry a person who RESPECTS you, treats you HUMANLY, has GOOD COMMON SENSE and the one who sees you as an EQUAL (it is so needed if you are a modern-minded woman). If you happened to marry the first sort of person, oh well it's not too late. Read a lot about men and you'll know how to handle their ridiculousness. Trust me, it's good for you and your marriage and saves you a lot from emotional and mental breakdown. Your well-being is very much needed for the sake of your marriage to survive.

So, single ladies, now you know what kind of Hell that you are safe from? You are so lucky to be single. You do not know what kind of misery and hardships that most married people are having. Just be grateful that you are single. Emotional breakdown because you are alone? Uh puhleease stop being a drama queen. It's pathetic! and to be treated respectfully, please act respectfully.

Hope

Talk about hope, Allah is there, hope is there. Your hope is not wasted. 

NEUTRALITI DAN 'PARTIAL' ITU WAJIB.

Mesir kembali berdarah dengan lebih ramai terbunuh dek tangan-tangan tentera Mesir sendiri atas arahan Al-Sisi. Ironik sekali melihat keadaan Mesir melihatkan pertembungan dua suara dalam kelompok muslim sendiri. Suara yang menyokong rampasan kuasa dengan jaminan bantuan kewangan kepada tentera dan suara yang menentang Morsi digulingkan atas banyak sebab. Sebahagian mereka penyokong tegar Ikhwan, sebahagian Islamis, sebahagian yang lain melihat ketidak adilan berlaku disebabkan kudeta ini menyalahi proses demokrasi bahkan memusnahkannya.

Apa yang kita dapat perhatikan Saudi dan beberapa negara Arab lain menyokong kudeta (coup d'etat), sehingga sanggup untuk memberi bantuan kewangan kepada kerajaan tentera Mesir. Tidak dapat difahami oleh akal yang waras kenapa Saudi dan negara-negara Arab ini sanggup menyokong tentera Mesir yang akhirnya membawa kemusnahan beribu nyawa dan material, dan sehingga hari ini masih belum kedengaran suara lantang mereka memarahi tentera kerana memusnahkan nyawa tidak bersalah apatah lagi memusnahkan demokrasi itu sendiri (mana mungkin nk sokong demokrasi kerana mereka semua monarkis totalitaris). Terlalu jelas sokongan mereka itu disebabkan kebencian kepada Ikhwan atau juga mungkin sebab 2 lain yang bersifat kepentingan peribadi pemimpin2 ini. Menambah parahkan keadaan bila ulama yang menggelar diri mereka dan digelar 'salafi' (menjadi salafi tidak bererti mesti buta mata hati pada kezaliman) dan ulama2 pemerintah menyokong, mengiyakan, ataupun diam kepada kudeta dan kezaliman ini. (alasan utama kerana haram melawan pemerintah - yeah *#$%^!!)

Dalam masa yang sama kita melihat ramai yang Islamis yang menyokong Morsi mengatakan demokrasi tidak Islamik dan kerana demokrasi lah Morsi dan Islam tumbang. Ramai yang mendakwa ini tidak lain tidak bukan untuk menghancurkan Islam. Momokan sistem khilafah lah yang terbaik, demokrasi dan Islam mana mungkin dapat berjalan sekali dan seumpamanya begitu banyak dapat kita lihat dalam kenyataan rakan - rakan muslim kita. Seruan kemenangan untuk Islam berlegar dalam banyak kenyataan - kenyataan rakan-rakan seIslam yang lain. Ini mengaburkan mata ramai dari kalangan mereka untuk bersifat kritikal terhadap tindakan Ikhwan dan juga Morsi. Dikatakan Morsi itu lambang kemenangan Islam, (mungkin ya) tapi itu tidak memaksumkan dia daripada tindakan yang salah dan sebarang kritikan. Neutraliti itu perlu dalam memandang kepada sesiapa sahaja yang berada di tampuk kepimpinan. Sikap sebahagian orang Islam yang sebiginilah yang merosakkan kebaikan dan memandulkan usaha untuk mencapai matlamat yang lebih besar, matlamat untuk mencapai (Baldatun tayyibatun wa Rabbun Ghafur) iaitu negeri yang sejahtera dan baik dan mendapat keampunan Tuhan.

Kita melihat sesiapa sahaja yang memegang tampuk pemerintahan wajar menerima kritikan keras sekiranya dasar dan tindakannya mengabaikan kepentingan, kebajikan serta kesejahteraan rakyat apatah lagi menggadaikannya. Soal integriti, isu kronisme, nepotisme dan idealisme serta hala tuju negara juga patut menjadi persoalan yang sentiasa ada dalam benak rakyat dan pemimpin untuk menjamin bersihnya sesuatu pemerintahan daripada anasir merosakkan. Sedar atau tidak isu - isu yang saya bangkitkan di atas ini lah yang sepatutnya menjadi keutamaan sekiranya kita benar-benar menghayati Islam itu sendiri. Islam itu sejahtera, Islam itu keadilan, Islam itu rahmat sekalian alam. Justeru di mana tempat Islam kalau keadilan, kebajikan dan kesejahteraan sejagat tidak diutamakan? Ia tidak ada.

Apa yang cuba dikatakan oleh Tariq Ramadhan membawa satu persoalan yang lebih besar daripada isu Ikhwan dan Morsi serta rakyat Mesir:

- Bersikap NEUTRAL dan tidak berpihak itu menyelamatkan kita daripada kebutaan melihat kebenaran dan mengkritik kesalahan pemimpin, organisasi dan individu yang berkepentingan (agama, material, peribadi, atau kepentingan lain). Berlogokan Islam tidak menjadikan mereka maksum daripada kesalahan, dan bila berlaku kesalahan mereka wajar dikritik, ini disiplin yang  wajib dipegang untuk menyelamatkan kita daripada kerosakan.

- kita mengkritik bukan bermakna kita menghalang Islam daripada berjalan sebab ramai yang beriman dengan 'equation' begini : muslim + pemerintahan = Islam dimartabatkan, sebab itu mengkritik mereka adalah halangan kepada Islam sendiri - mudahnya iman sebegini -. Kalau iman ini yang dipegang dan ditanam dalam minda dan hati maka sampai bilalah kita menghalalkan segala tindakan mereka baik atau buruk sehingga merosakkan Islam sendiri. Jangan kerana atas alasan sesama Islam kita membatukan diri daripada mengkritik perbuatan buruk mereka yang melibatkan kepentingan ramai. Kita bersatu atas prinsip - prinsip yang Islam bawa, (boleh saya  katakan Islam itu sendiri - keadilan, kemanusiaan, integriti, hikmah, kasih sayang, kepentingan bersama dan menolak sama sekali perkara yang bercanggah dengan perkara di atas) tanpa mengira bulu apatah lagi seIslam.

- prinsip mudah ini Nabi sudah ajarkan dalam satu potongan hadith yang ringkas - 'andai Fatimah mencuri, aku akan potong tangannya' . Ia petunjuk jelas menjadi muslim tidak menghalang kita daripada bersikap kritikal terhadap saudara seIslam yang lain apabila melibatkan kepentingan awam. Jangan katakan ia satu keaiban. Jika tidak dicegah ia membawa kerosakan lebih besar.  Sekiranya ia bersifat individu maka hikmah dan berahsia lebih wajar dan utama.

Masih banyak yang saya mahu katakan, tetapi 'dots' ini banyak yang tidak bersambung dalam fikiran saya and I hardly connect the dots in my head right now. Saya tidak banyak maklumat tetapi ini yang saya nampak dan setakat ini dahulu yang saya mampu konklusikan daripada pemerhatian saya.

Terlalu Muda Untuk Menjadi Cikgu

Yup I am teacher now, although not a teacher in school (I am so grateful that I am not, well I don't like to deal with kids and young teenagers, tabik saya pada yang boleh mengajar mereka, sbb klu semua macam saya alamatlah dunia ni caca merba, hehe..) ok2 back to my point, teachers? what does that word mean?  errr... of course they teach! urrrmmmm itu je ke?

I read this post just now, it reflects a lot of things, me, us, our society, our education system, malaysia and them, their education system and US.
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Increasingly teachers are speaking out against school reforms that they believe are demeaning their profession, and some are simply quitting because they have had enough.

Here is one resignation letter from a veteran teacher, Gerald J. Conti, a social studies teacher at Westhill High School in Syracuse, N.Y.:

Mr. Casey Barduhn, Superintendent
Westhill Central School District
400 Walberta Park Road
Syracuse, New York 13219

 Dear Mr. Barduhn and Board of Education Members:

       It is with the deepest regret that I must retire at the close of this school year, ending my more than twenty-seven years of service at Westhill on June 30, under the provisions of the 2012-15 contract. I assume that I will be eligible for any local or state incentives that may be offered prior to my date of actual retirement and I trust that I may return to the high school at some point as a substitute teacher.

        As with Lincoln and Springfield, I have grown from a young to an old man here; my brother died while we were both employed here; my daughter was educated here, and I have been touched by and hope that I have touched hundreds of lives in my time here. I know that I have been fortunate to work with a small core of some of the finest students and educators on the planet.

          I came to teaching forty years ago this month and have been lucky enough to work at a                    small liberal arts college, a major university and this superior secondary school. To me, history has been so very much more than a mere job, it has truly been my life, always driving my travel, guiding all of my reading and even dictating my television and movie viewing. Rarely have I engaged in any of these activities without an eye to my classroom and what I might employ in a lesson, a lecture or a presentation. With regard to my profession, I have truly attempted to live John Dewey’s famous quotation (now likely cliché with me, I’ve used it so very often) that  “Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself.” This type of total immersion is what I have always referred to as teaching “heavy,” working hard, spending time, researching, attending to details and never feeling satisfied that I knew enough on any topic. I now find that this approach to my profession is not only devalued, but denigrated and perhaps, in some quarters despised. STEM rules the day and “data driven” education seeks only conformity, standardization, testing and a zombie-like adherence to the shallow and generic Common Core, along with a lockstep of oversimplified so-called Essential Learnings. Creativity, academic freedom, teacher autonomy, experimentation and innovation are being stifled in a misguided effort to fix what is not broken in our system of public education and particularly not at Westhill.

        A long train of failures has brought us to this unfortunate pass. In their pursuit of Federal tax dollars, our legislators have failed us by selling children out to private industries such as Pearson Education. The New York State United Teachers union has let down its membership by failing to mount a much more effective and vigorous campaign against this same costly and dangerous debacle. Finally, it is with sad reluctance that I say our own administration has been both uncommunicative and unresponsive to the concerns and needs of our staff and students by establishing testing and evaluation systems that are Byzantine at best and at worst, draconian. This situation has been exacerbated by other actions of the administration, in either refusing to call open forum meetings to discuss these pressing issues, or by so constraining the time limits of such meetings that little more than a conveying of information could take place. This lack of leadership at every level has only served to produce confusion, a loss of confidence and a dramatic and rapid decaying of morale. The repercussions of these ill-conceived policies will be telling and shall resound to the detriment of education for years to come. The analogy that this process is like building the airplane while we are flying would strike terror in the heart of anyone should it be applied to an actual airplane flight, a medical procedure, or even a home repair. Why should it be acceptable in our careers and in the education of our children?

         My profession is being demeaned by a pervasive atmosphere of distrust, dictating that teachers cannot be permitted to develop and administer their own quizzes and tests (now titled as generic “assessments”) or grade their own students’ examinations. The development of plans, choice of lessons and the materials to be employed are increasingly expected to be common to all teachers in a given subject. This approach not only strangles creativity, it smothers the development of critical thinking in our students and assumes a one-size-fits-all mentality more appropriate to the assembly line than to the classroom. Teacher planning time has also now been so greatly eroded by a constant need to “prove up” our worth to the tyranny of APPR (through the submission of plans, materials and “artifacts” from our teaching) that there is little time for us to carefully critique student work, engage in informal intellectual discussions with our students and colleagues, or conduct research and seek personal improvement through independent study. We have become increasingly evaluation and not knowledge driven. Process has become our most important product, to twist a phrase from corporate America, which seems doubly appropriate to this case.

         After writing all of this I realize that I am not leaving my profession, in truth, it has left me. It no longer exists. I feel as though I have played some game halfway through its fourth quarter, a timeout has been called, my teammates’ hands have all been tied, the goal posts moved, all previously scored points and honors expunged and all of the rules altered.

         For the last decade or so, I have had two signs hanging above the blackboard at the front of my classroom, they read, “Words Matter” and “Ideas Matter”. While I still believe these simple statements to be true, I don’t feel that those currently driving public education have any inkling of what they mean.

Sincerely and with regret,

Gerald J. Conti
Social Studies Department Leader
Cc: Doreen Bronchetti, Lee Roscoe
My little Zu.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2013/04/06/teachers-resignation-letter-my-profession-no-longer-exists/?tid=pm_pop
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compared to this, I am nowhere and nobody... sigh! too far from these, perhaps years of light

Hala Tuju Pelajar Jurusan Agama - satu introspeksi

Saya tidak mahu membebel panjang, kerana malas hendak memikirkan ayat yang 'proper' untuk ditulis dan ia tidak sepatutnya membantutkan saya untuk menulis apa yang saya fikir. Satu persoalan yang saya kira wajar kita semua dalami dan fikirkan bersama setelah sekian lama kita hidup dalam dunia retorik. Apakah sebenarnya hala tuju kerjaya pelajar jurusan agama?

Nah soalan ini, mungkin tajuk yang agak 'taboo'. Kerana bila dikaitkan kerjaya dengan agama seolah-olah ia tidak boleh disatukan langsung. Dengan alasan, belajar untuk mendapat keredhaan Allah, untuk membawa manusia ke arah jalan yang benar, untuk menjadi ulama' pewaris nabi, untuk mencari ilmu semata-mata dan sebagainya. Justeru apabila mereka ini ditanya: mahu jadi apa bila habis belajar? owh, bab kerja tak mahu fikir lagi. Belajar semata-mata untuk mencari ilmu. Kalau belajar sebab nak kerja, maknanya kita buat kerana sebab dunia. Sedar ataupun tidak, di zaman yang serba moden ini ada satu hakikat yang perlu difahami semua tentang pengajian tinggi. Pengajian tinggi bukanlah hanya semata-mata mendalami sesuatu disiplin ilmu dengan lebih berfokus tetapi ia juga bermatlamatkan kerjaya ataupun menyediakan  jalan-jalan khas untuk memastikan survival seseorang di masa hadapan mengikut minat, kemahuan dan kemampuan mereka.

Atas hakikat yang gagal difahami perkara ini dengan baik, kita gagal memanfaatkan graduan agama kita dengan lebih baik,  lalu apa yang terjadi, kita boleh melihat majoriti pelajar graduan agama hanya sekadar menjadi guru di sekolah. Saya tidak mahu mempertikaikan kepentingan kerjaya guru, namun kita harus faham guru juga adalah profession. Lalu apakah gunanya kita retorikkan pembelajaran ilmu agama di peringkat pengajian tinggi hanya untuk akhirat semata-mata kerana akhirnya pelajar-pelajar ini juga akan bekerjaya tetapi hanya kerana kelulusan yang ada hanyalah ijazah dalam bidang agama, hanya profession guru sahaja yang layak dipilih mereka.Terlalu minoriti jumlah graduan - graduan yang menyambung peringkat ijazah tertinggi akhirnya menjadi seorang yang benar-benar pakar dalam bidang yang didalaminya.

Sudah masanya kita mengorak langkah yang baru iaitu memikirkan hala tuju kerjaya pelajar dalam jurusan agama agar ia menjadi lebih jelas dan pelajar-pelajar ini tahu apa pilihan yang ada di hadapan mereka selepas mereka keluar dari universiti. Justeru, apabila hala tuju jelas maka saya kira mereka akan lebih bersungguh - sungguh dalam pelajaran. Sekiranya diteliti dengan baik perkara ini, saya kira bukan hanya bidang perguruan dan akademik sahaja yang boleh memanfaatkan pelajar jurusan agama, tetapi bidang-bidang lain juga begitu cuma ia masih belum jelas kerana tidak ada pencerahan yang dibuat secara telus tentang perkara ini.

Wallahu 'alam bis sawab

(mood saya : bingung dan frust kerana pelajar jurusan agama kita terlalu sedikit yang mencapai kelas A sehingga mampu menghasilkan kajian ilimiah berkualiti tinggi (ke memang tak ada?), dan saya tidak mahu melihat bidang agama menjadi bidang yang dipandang enteng, sepi dan sipi (tiada kualiti klu nk ikut bahasa sebenarnya... )

I'm blank

         Berada di tempat yang mana dia pernah ada satu ketika dulu, membuat hati rasa sebak. Rindu dan rasa kosong, ya... Tidak dinafikan, kerinduan kepada kewujudannya, bait-bait kata nya, buah fikirannya. Ketiadaannya benar-benar meninggalkan satu ruang kosong.

         Oh friend, what should I do? What would you do if you were in my place rite now? Alangkah baiknya kalau saya mampu menyerap dan apply apa yang awak pernah ajarkan saya. Alangkah baiknya kalau saya juga mampu berfikir dan mencari sudut pandang setepat awak. I am lost... 

       

Good Luck!

I am pretty sure every debaters out there are busy with their intesive training at their respective campuses for the coming 5th ASEAN Inter-varsity Debate Championship that will be held in USIM from 10th until 15th November 2011. Thinking about those my juniors reminds me of my good old days and I believe my fellow seniors and friends would feel the same. Winning and losing, tear and joy, each one of us have our own very special memories and stories.

           Okay enough with reminiscing old time. Now back to the reality. I'm going to talk about you, present debaters whether you are my fellow juniors or my debaters friends in other universities as well. I believe all of you have your own motives joining this debate tournament and this debate arena. Whatever your motives are, I just want you to be clear about it. This path is not an easy one. Many have survived and became great debaters and many made it to stay till the end even though they ended up not winning anything, but they survived and persevere to till the end. But more could not make it. Your motives will determine your commitment in this field. If you are unclear about what you want from debate, you will end up losing your commitment and you will give up. So please ask yourself what is it that you want from this debate. If you are clear about it, insya Allah you'll make it to the end.

           Perkara kedua yang  saya mahu anda semua tahu ialah debat merupakan latihan berfikir kelas tinggi dan ia sendiri seni berfikir kelas tinggi melihatkan kepada 'nature' debat itu sendiri. Disebabkan ia 'tinggi', maka ia menuntut anda semua untuk berusaha keras supaya anda boleh menguasainya dengan baik. Bila saya kata berfikir maknanya bukan bahasa anda yang perlu menjadi fokus utama bila anda berdebat. Isi debat anda yang harus menjadi fokus utama bila anda berdebat.Debat seharusnya menjadikan otak anda aktif. Dengar lawan anda dengan baik, serap ke dalam otak anda lalu bandingkan dengan kes anda. Jangan jadikan debat satu benda yang statik, seharusnya ia panas dan menyeronokkan. Kunci debat yang baik terletak pada diri anda sendiri.

           Ramai yang masuk ke dalam dunia debat hanya sekadar menjadi pendebat biasa, tidak ramai yang berakhir menjadi pendebat hebat. Saya kira untuk menjadi hebat atau tidak terletak pada diri anda sendiri. Mencabar diri untuk menjadi seorang pendebat hebat bisa menggerakkan atur langkah anda menjadi lebih agresif, anda seharusnya menjadi lebih peka dan minda anda akan bergerak sentiasa. Salah satu kunci untuk menjadi pendebat yang baik ialah menguasai kemahiran berfikir secara kritikal (critical thinking). Untuk maju ke depan, jangan menonton debat arab sahaja, video debat melayu dan inggeris juga anda harus tonton. Sambil menonton nilailah sekali video-video tersebut. Dua kategori ini telah maju dengan baik sekali. Ambillah manfaat daripadanya. Ia boleh membantu anda menambah baik kemahiran debat anda.

      Harapan saya agar kalian semua dapat memberikan persembahan yang lebih baik daripada senior-senior yang telah mendahului kalian. Moga kualiti pertandingan kali ini lebih baik daripada yang lepas dan debat arab maju  ke depan lagi dan mampu berdiri sama tinggi dan duduk sama rendah dengan debat bahasa-bahasa lain.

           To all my juniors and friends, current debaters of IIUM I wish you bit taufiq wan najah for this tournament. Semoga kali ini korang dapat bawa pulang piala baru ASEAN. Tiada apa yang mustahil andai korang sungguh-sungguh dan menggunaakan peluang sebaiknya. Good luck and do ur best! We'll keep u in our prayers, insya Allah... :)